PRAYER-BIRTHDAY-LOVE-IMPERFECTION...I don't know

I have had a hard time having faith in prayer lately. Don't judge me, please, but hear me out. I was praying a lot. I was begging, pleading, saying simple prayers and so on...any way I could think of to try to receive some sort of help. I don't feel like I was praying for miracles to happen. In fact, one day I just prayed to feel loved. It was a simple prayer stating that I didn't need anything to be resolved, taken away, cured, or whatever...I just needed to feel like somebody here on earth cared about me. Of course, that turned out to be the crappiest day and I didn't feel like any person I knew reached out in any way possible like I had hoped. That's ok. I lived. Maybe I needed that...maybe not. I don't know. I really don't know. 

I've been told you find out who your true friends are when you've lost everything or are facing your hardest time. They are the ones who stay by your side whatever way possible. They are the ones who know what you need and will help you get it anyway they can. They are the ones who will tell you not to give up and have faith. I am thankful for those few friends.

Yesterday was my birthday. I received so much love in the form of texts, social media messages, and calls. I really enjoyed it. Maybe it was a delayed answer to my prayer...maybe it wasn't. Maybe it helped me know who really cares about me...maybe it doesn't. All I know is it made my heart smile. I want to be around people who love me and lift me up and I hope I can be that type of person to others as well. I have so much learning to do in this life still. I have doubts, fears, imperfections, bad days, etc...we all do.

Be happy. 

You are beautiful. Even if you can't see it sometimes, know that other people can.

AM I PRAYING WRONG?

After having a brother die, a BFF break up with me, "family" members say mean things, and my dog stop listening and run away things can only go up and get better, right?! Well, actually that's not true. You could also have your car stolen, your freezer break and ruin some food, your dog have an allergic reaction to her shots from the vet, your mother have a heart attack after a surgery, and a call from the fraud department saying someone tried to steal money from an online account of yours (...all in less than 2 months time).  Yes, things can and just might get worse, but it's OK!

After all this, I went to church--that's a good place to go for peace for me. At the service, there were several people bearing testimony of the power of prayer. One person shared stories of bad weather and them praying for no rain for a party they were hosting that was outside. Another person shared a story of them wanting a shift off from work on a Sunday so they could attend church and BAM they were there at church. This got me thinking...I had been praying, begging, pleading for many things recently, some maybe on a scale a little bit deeper than weather (we all have our trials), and I just seemed to have more bad things piling up. I thought 'Am I praying wrong?!'

I know that our disappointments, sorrows, and dark hours are to help us grow. They can lead us to much joy if we put our faith and trust in God. Garth Brooks sings that some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. It is a mistake to assume that every prayer we offer will be answered immediately. Some prayers require big effort on our part. This might be a way that God is showing me He loves me...it is just in a way that I don't really understand right now. 

Then we sang the hymn Come Unto Jesus and my heart was calmed a little.

To anyone feeling discouraged, worried, or lonely, I want to tell you to hold on with faith and hope. I too have felt those ways recently, but it WILL get better. Life WILL hand you lemons, but YOU have the power to take positive action, sweeten the situation, and make lemonade (+). Don't feel discouraged if it doesn't happen right away. As long as you are trying your hardest, you aren't doing it wrong.

I will end with my favorite scripture: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).