Not IN America but OF America

I had the afternoon off so I tried to be the best American I could being it was July 4 and Independence Day. So I stopped by the local American Center (lame...all it had was a computer and some books in English), walked down Americka Street, passed by the McDonald's, went into the local museum with an exhibit by American artist Andy Warhol, wore red white and blue, taught William how to hold up four fingers for the number 4, and went to a BBQ where we played USA Jeopardy. Fireworks not included. Happy birthday America!

THE WAY YOU DO IT

Max's Father: Dangit, Max! Get serious, for once! What are you going to DO with your life?
Max: Why is it always what will I DO? "What will he DO", "What will he DO," "Oh, my gosh what will he DO", Do, do, do, do, do. Why isn't the issue here who I am?
Uncle Teddy: Because, Maxwell, what you DO defines who you ARE.
Max: No, Uncle Teddy. Who you ARE defines what you DO. Right Jude?
Jude: [awkward] ... Well, surely it's not what you do, but the, uh... the way that you do it.

I heard these lines in the film Across the Universe today and I had to go back and listen to them a few times on the DVD because they just seemed so inspiring. I think sometimes other people, and even I myself, wonder who I am and what I'm doing. I'm not always sure the answers to those questions but I DO know I like the way I do it.

Oh yeah, and I like the way Jude does it with his English accent in this movie...goodgosh he's gorgeous.

VIP: VERY IMPORTANT PHRASES

William is amazing at picking up the English language and speaking. So, besides teaching him to always say 'please' and 'thank you' I love teaching him very important English phrases like: shake, shake, shake. shake your booty, handlebaaaaar mustache (as he puts his fingers under his nose to form the stache), no way Jose, ohmygoodness, and DEANNA IS AWESOME!
My other favorite is this song:

TELE-CREEPIES

I've been watching a few childrens' shows lately (some over and over and over again). I can tolerate most, but if there is one that absolutely creeps me out more than anything it has to be the Teletubbies. I don't even know what in the world the teletubbies are...are they pajama wearing aliens? Do they even speak English? What's with the laughing baby face in the sun? And judging by the cover of this DVD, they're obviously gay (again no offense to my gay friend Shane). Not the kind of program we should be showing our little ones.

MONEY CAN'T BUY ME LOVE, BUT IT SURE CAN BUY ME LOTS OF OTHER THINGS

If someone gave me a wad of cash and told me I HAD to spend it today or else I'd lose it (and I couldn't invest, save, or give it away) these are the things I think I would buy:
1. MacBook Pro

mac, mac, mac, mac, mac, mac, mac
Breaking the 10th commandment is a risk I'm willing to take by admiring this machine.
Available in custom colors like Ferrari Red, alpine green, and 24-carat gold with diamonds...I'll take whatever I can get and load that baby with memory and great software to boot.
(No more borrowing brother Tim's computer with the sticky shift key and shifty mousepad)

2. 2008 Volvo C70

I'll admit I'm not a huge 2-door car fan, but this one is gorgeous.

3. LASIK eye surgery

I'm not putting a photo up for this one because that would gross me out, but these peeps need a little help to see the world and it might be nice not to have to wear contacts anymore.

4. Monarchy Union Jack Flag Jeans

I've never wanted designer jeans before and haven't even tried these on, but for some reason I want a pair of these with the British flag...crazy yank.

5. Maybe a couple european chocolate bars and a new pair of chacos (that would be great to switch them out between washes so my feet don't get so stinky) and I'd call it a day. Gosh, imaginary shopping wears me out.
**ADDENDUM: 6/27/08**
I had a long walk today and realized if I have the money and it HAS to be spent, deanna is going for a day to the spa. Order me up a haircut, scalp treatment, deep condition, pedicure, and I'll end it with a full body massage. Oh snap--forget the candy bars..what was I thinking?!

ITALY IS...

Two weeks in Lignano and I was in heaven. Now I'll share with you what Italy IS to me:

For those that like more details:
Grandma & her boyfriend forgot to pay for their gas in Austria. The police caught them and took them to the station but gma only speaks Czech so we had to go back and rescue them. Since I took a photo with the nervous boyfriend, police, and Milan, the officer laughed & let him off the hook with the ticket not going on his driving record.
I met the Italian, Polish, and Austrian beach soccer teams...and thought I broke my foot playing with them.
I touched the water in Venice...then I think I caught a disease from it.
It rained 4 days straight...but Italian rainbows are nice.
Other Grandma & her boyfriend drank 40 bottles of Italian wine in 3 days...deanna only peach juice.
Gelato venders are suckers for Americans who try to speak Italian...I got lots of free scoops.
xoxoxo

IT TOOK MY MAMA 9 MONTHS TO MAKE ME

Within the last month, I have had a woman in a wheelchair tell me I have nice legs and a homeless man who probably hasn't seen a dentist in years tell me I have a great smile with perfect teeth. It made me realize that sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until it's gone/the moment has passed.
On a side note, as he was leaving a pub, a Czech boy told me on a scale of 1-3 my breasts are a 3...I think the beer here makes objects bigger than they appear and sometimes you just gotta shake what your mama didn't give ya.

JARED AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' ON ME

Forget about that guy who ate Subway sandwiches to get healthy...follow the European nanny program instead.

First, I get about 1,742 pushes each arm on the swing.

Then I get an average of about 2 hours walking/sightseeing/stroller pushing per day as William sleeps.

Ivana is an amazing cook so you have to be careful with the middle, but a few situps with the window open at night while the sun goes down and birds are singing will help.

1 HOUR TO PRAGUE

Ivana's cousin Michal volunteered to take me to Prague. Goodgosh it was gorgeous. The city is so old...and a little smelly. Highlights of the night:
Learning vocab word#1 for the day on the drive there: dopravni zacpa=traffic jam (if you forget to say dopravni then zacpa means the kind of jam you get when you don't have enough fiber in your diet), hiking up steep steep streets, crazy midget lady at the oldest tavern in town coming outside and hissing at me when I got close to the building for a photo (really hissing), climbing up 138 stairs to top of Charles' Bridge only to be attacked by 10,000 of the biggest spiders I have ever seen (vocab word#2: spider=pavouk), and eating the first Czech meal that made me want to vomit (doesn't compare to dumplings & goulash, rabbit, stinky cheese, and raddish sandwiches I've had). Praha ha.

LIVIN' LA VODA LOCA

Everyone, I repeat, EVERYONE here is crazy about water. No matter where you go if it's to the park, down the street, in the car, etc., you need to have a water (voda) bottle with you. Since the temperature is in the 90's right now and it is so unusually hot for the country, people think they are going to die without water.
This leads to my next scenerio...if you drink a lot you have to use the toilet a lot. But, if you're a little child, you are allowed to just go pee outside. That's right, pull down your pants (it takes a little more work if you're a girl) and go on the lawn, sidewalk, or wherever with parent's permission. I'm not used to this yet.

PLZEN

One week down in Czech and I want to list a few of my favorite things about the city I'm staying in; it's called Plzen (Pilsen for my fellow Americans).

BABY STEPS

For years, my mother tried to get me to make my bed. I hated it because I had so many blankets and sheets and it was just a hassle. My arguement was that there was no reason to make it because I planned to mess it up later that night. Well, since I've been in the Czech Republic as a guest in someone's house, I would like my mother to know that I have made my bed every single morning I've been here. It's only been like 4 days, but I'm taking baby steps. Yes, Mother, baby steps.

MY FIRST PURCHASE

...wasn't this man, but something from this man. I couldn't handle it any longer. I am a photoholic. I went to the city center and walked around by myself today. My mission: to buy a new camera. I had already been here 3 days and taken no photos. I was so happy I took a photo with the Czech man who sold it to me...he looks so happy because he charged me a price much greater than in the States.



At a beautiful cathedral in the middle of the city, there is a spot where people walk by to touch an angel head and make a wish. I touched it and wished for better photo taking opportunities with my new camera. Note the zipper down (noone told me but if they did I wouldn't be able to understand them) and person's finger in upper corner...I think you have to let go before the wish comes true.

ALL CZECHED IN...

Thursday night was deanna's last night in town and time for one last hoorah with a few people who stopped by. Jenny and I shared a kebab (not bob) and baklava. This morning as I went to leave, I noticed my camera was nowhere to be found. Um, I NEVER forget my camera and more importantly NEVER lose it. So I took off without it and a frown on my face. (Luckily I can add a few snaps from my camera phone).

I flew to Atlanta then on to Prague. In the airport in GA, I was surrounded by Czechs. They weren't bad looking at all, I couldn't understand a word they were saying, but at least they weren't bad looking. The stewards handed out newspapers written in Czech and I felt a little left out.

Upon greeting my new family for a few months at the airport, little William surprised me with some flowers and I him with a book about Utah. They told me they don't know anything about Utah besides it has a lot of Mormons and skiing...what else is there?!
Went straight to the house. I have a great big area upstairs with my own bathroom and kitchen. Not too shabby. I unpacked, played outside with local friends/business partners and William, sipped some sparkling water, and called it a night.

CZECH THIS OUT

Email with job offer: Thursday
Phone call to chat about job: Saturday
Phone call about getting a ticket to fly out: Sunday
Ticket purchased for me: Wednesday
Leaving USA: Friday
Working in Europe: til August.
Gonna miss: you
xoxoxo

ALL THESE ARCHES ARE STARTING TO LOOK THE SAME

My friend Jonny Balagna phoned me up this week and asked if I wanted to go hiking...in Moab at Arches National Park. I remember this being my favorite Park in Utah so I agreed. We left Thursday night. He looked at the forecast for the weekend and it said it would be in the high 80's. I've never been to Moab and left without tan lines. However, when we arrived, I believe it was a record for being the windiest day ever. Amazing! We hiked until we couldn't see the arches in the dark anymore. Then we slept in his 4runner and woke up early (maybe due to discomfort) to hike in the sun until all the arches seemed to look the same and we couldn't hike any longer. I hate hiking, but I love the arches and red rock.

WHAT A MAN WANTS TO HEAR

I got this link in an email today. It is supposedly the 5 top things a guy loves to hear on a date. I don't buy it. (click top 5 things...to see real article.)
Here's what I think it should be:
1. Here's the remote. We can watch tv as long as you want.
2. I made you this sandwich.
3. More sports? Yes, please.
4. Of course I'm in the mood!
5. No, I don't mind that you stick your hand down your pants then hold my hand.

And the 5 he doesn't want to hear on a date:
1. I once dated this guy who...
2. If WE get married...
3. Wanna meet my _____(insert ANY member of your family here)?
4. No, I'm NOT in the mood right now.
5. Let's just talk.

STUPID TEST

I feel like I've been writing both thoughtful and thought provoking blogs lately and I kinda feel too serious. So it's time for something stupid that has no point at all besides to make you laugh. Click here for a link to the stupid test.
Worried about whether you are stupid...find out with the Stupid Test! This quiz is full of riddles and trick questions to test your intellect and reveal if you're really stupid. I.Q. tests are stupid, but the Stupid Test isn't! Don't be stupid, take the test.

PARADE OF LIFE

I have to give my 14 year old niece props for sharing this quote with me today. She's wise beyond her years...or at least got lucky on this one.

LIFE ISN'T MEASURED BY THE BREATHS YOU TAKE BUT THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY.

Now don't start dreaming of Tom Cruise playing volleyball in the sand then riding a motorcycle over to shower at your beachhouse.
But think about that quote. It pretty much means you can go on living a life, not taking any chances, being mediocrely happy, watching everyone else go by OR you can freakin jump on the float and be IN the parade of life (or in the back of the Benz as I was incase you don't have a float).
There are a million songs that need to be danced to, shoes that need to be filled, places to see, and people to meet so what are you waiting for?! Don't be afraid to have your breath taken away.

FEAR ME OUT ON THESE

There are a few things that come to mind that scare me in this world.
1. SPIDERS
How can something so little be so horrifying and have such a horrible bite that it's venum has the effect in a human so big (in comparison) to block impulses to the muscles, cause cramps, rigidity, and have a general paralyzing effect. Or possibly turn you into a web throwing super hero (not sure if that one is bad or not).
2. SHARKS

A little bit bigger and a lot more teeth. A recent article about an Australian guy who thought he was swimming by a dolphin said he poked the 16-foot fella in the eye when he dragged him under the water and the monster let go (just a tip).
3. HAVING AN ANEURYSM
I saw it in an after school special movie with Ricky Schroeder when I was like ten years old. The young newly-wed couple had a baby and the mother had a headache and then fell down and died from an aneurysm and left hottie Ricky alone to raise the baby by himself. Sounds silly but it's had me scared ever since.
4. THE OLD LADY FLAT SQUISHED WIDE BUTT

You know what I'm talking about...no more sit down jobs and plenty of running hills for me to take care of this booty.
5. GAS?
I'd add gas prices getting higher but I know there is nothing I can do about that. NOTHING. Nope, no matter how many times people say they're not gonna buy gas on a certain day, it's not gonna work. So either get a higher paying job so you can afford it and quit whinging (you never see Beyonce in the news complaining about how much she has to pay per gallon) or buy a bus pass, walk, or maybe get a skateboard and quit being so gay (no offense to my gay friend Shane).
6. 80's FASHION

I pray the shoulder pads, stirrup pants, and four-hour hair like Blair from the Facts of Life tv show never come back. NEVER.

HOP ON POP

I can't get enough Pop Art right now...or anything similar to it.

MAGAZINE BEAUTY

While in the waiting room for over an hour at work today, I had the opportunity to look through PEOPLE magazine to see Hollywood's most beautiful of 2007. Towards the end of the mag I saw a photo of Ashton Kutcher. He was asked two questions, one was: Has your wife, Demi Moore, turned you on to any (beauty) product you now can't live without?
To which he replied: The only thing I can't live without is her.
That answer was beautiful.
It restored my faith in boys and their ability to be kind for several minutes...until I returned back to work with a school full of about 34 jerky boy students. Sigh.

SOME PEOPLE CALL ME THE GANGSTER OF LOVE

Today I heard someone say this and it made me smile on the inside:
LOVE ERASES JUDGEMENT.
Give it a thought. How many times do we think down on someone because they cut us off in traffic, dress differently, or get together once a week with friends and dress up to play midevil battle board games (that's still kinda weird but I'll accept it)? I'm not perfect enough that I am able to judge others, so I guess it's better that I just offer my love.

JOB OFFER

Hypothetically, if you received a call from Switzerland at 7:30 AM on a Sunday morning offering you this job for 6 months working with a 4.5 year old trilingual genius child, would you take it?

a. Availability Monday to Friday
b. Weekly work expected 30-40 hours
c. Driving Child to school, lessons and other appointments or activities
d. Preparing daily meals for Child.
e. Laundry for Child.
f. General tidying-up of Child's bedroom, toilet & bathroom, and play-room.
g. Baby-sitting one evening per week and one weekend per month.
i. Additional baby-sitting subject to standard hourly wage
h. Preparing and cooking one family meal, per day.
i. Keeping the kitchen clean
j. Light household grocery shopping as required
k. Keeping the rules of the house and setting a good example.
l. Treating the family members and all their property, with dignity, respect & care

with these perks:

a. A monthly pocket money payable at the 28th of each month
b. Studio apartment provided by the employer
c. French lessons (maximum of 30% paid by employer)
d. Food (monthly) and selected household essentials
e. Vehicle provided for child transport
f. Mobile phone with prepaid card for work-related calls
g. 50% of total cost of return Airline ticket
h. 2 paid days off per month
i. Health, Accident and Damage Insurance paid by employer

FOE-TOES

I was on facebook and saw an ad for a photographer. Me...well, I like to take photos so I clicked on it. It took me to the site of a Utah photographer named Justin Hackworth. I looked at some of his stuff--it's fun and clever. Give it a look or check out his blog with daily photos here.
PS the photo above is one of his.

PUT LITTER IN IT'S PLACE

...and that place is not on the floor of my car. I hate it when I give someone a ride or let them borrow my car and they eat something then the next day I find the wrapper on the floor. Do you think you're in a movie theater or do I look like your mom?! For heavens sake, clean up after yourself.

BEN FOLDS CAN ROCK MY SUBURBS ANY TIME HE FEELS COMPELLED TO DO SO

I first listened to Ben Folds Five in 1998, when my friends Fred and Richard Donaldson and their gang of dudes introduced me to the band (yes, more than just the Brick song out on the radio). Turned out to be one of my favorites. I'd seen them live in concert at the X96 Bash and almost scheduled a flight back East to see a friend around a concert by Ben Folds solo style with a symphony. Well, last night Ben along with Ben Lee (and a couple other local acts: Mesa Drive, Chris Merritt, and Allred) played at SaltAir. The show was for a charity so I think along with the amazing piano hits by Ben I helped build a well in Cambodia by attending. He rocked that.... uh rocked our suburb as he told us what it's like being male, middle class and white. Sham on Mr. Folds.

MEN AREN'T FROM MARS...

That book everyone has been reading all this time is wrong. I saw this t-shirt today and it made me giggle. Hooray for teenagers and warped minds alike for creating/wearing such genius apparel. Amen.

THE PRICE WE PAY TO BE BEAUTIFUL

Good gosh. I was curling my hair to make myself look presentable for church today and as I was bringing the curling iron up to my hair, I totally hit my chin and burned it. Don't worry a nice red spot appeared within 5 minutes. The price we pay to be beautiful...
xoxoxo

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE?

Have you ever saved a voicemail on your phone...just to hear a person's voice that you might not see often? Or there is one photo on your camera memory card with someone special that you just can't bear to delete? Maybe you save a text message remembering a time when you were with someone and they made you smile? Not in a stalker way, but rather in a sappy I'm a dang sentimental fool way.
Well, I DID IT! I deleted em. Did it today. No use crying over spilled milk. You've moved on and so must I. Miss you and L-O-V-E you but it had to be done. Good times.
xoxoxo

EASY GIRL

I'm an easy girl. At least I want to be one someday. "Nothin wrong with showin a little boob," is a direct quote from the moms. But that's not the kind of EASY I'm talking about. My friend Dustin played this song for me and it's my favorite for the week. Give it a listen. Title: Easy Girl / Artist: Coconut Records
xoxoxo

THE GAMBLER

I've never really had the desire to gamble. Other people have offered to give me money to just try it, but I've easily declined. All of the sudden, since I've been waiting for the opportunity to see the movie 21 (and that's been a long wait), I'm so interested in how to play poker and gamble in other such games. So Danny Wilson and I pulled out the leftover Easter jelly beans to use in place of chips and he gave me a lesson in Texas Hold 'Em. Final hand, we were all in, I was bluffing...he called me and I lost it all. I stood up from the table and shook his hand. Lesson well learned -- I'll stick to playing Go Fish. BUT I'll see you Jim Sturgess on the big screen.

WASH ME

Before going to bed last night I promised to wash my car the next day. This morning I looked out the window and saw that it was raining...I loved it. Thank you Mother Nature for the free car wash and for letting me spend my $4 on a package of new hair bands instead.

HOL VOLT, HOL NEM VOLT, VOLT EGYSZER...

...a dear friend once told me that's how you start a fairytale in Hungarian. It literally means “where there was, where there wasn’t, there once was..."
A great way to share new beginnings and happy endings. So I'm still stuck at home on my movie kick and I've decided that sure it's nice to watch a show that ends predictably happy and full of romance blah blah blah. But I think at times we need those movies like Friday Night Lights where the whole town is passionate about football (they live, eat, sleep, and breath it) and then the big game finally comes; everybody is riding on the outcome and THE WIN is sooo important. But in the end...they lose...and it's sad...but life goes on...and another year of star players and season of games come and go...and the old players move on with their lives. Maybe it makes a good ending to a story too: “where there was, where there wasn’t, there once was, but NOW there is..."

A SUNSHINE STATE OF MIND

I've been stuck at home with a large problem (that'd be my face), but this has given me time to watch a few movies. One film I caught is Kindergarten Cop. That's right with Arnold Schwarzenegger and him saying "It's not a tuma!" to 6 year olds. Great show but it got me to realize Arnold is the man...he's done a lot of cool things in life:
(IMPORTANT: for those that are about to stop reading because of length just hit the bold words then move to final paragraph)

*First of all he was born in Austria so he has a great accent that automatically wins him cool points wherever he goes.
*I remember Muscle & Fitness magazines in the bathroom with his Mr. Olympia photos in them (I grew up with 3 brothers gimme a break).
*The list of hit movies: Conan, Terminator films, Red Sonja, Predator, Twins (you know the fact that he tried to pull off Danny DeVito as his twin brother is pretty funny), already mentioned Kindergarten Cop, and True Lies.
*The hot chick wife Maria Shriver.
*Has his handprints and footprints at Grauman's Chinese Theatre.
*Helped start Planet Hollywood franchise.
*Having a SNL sketch in his honor with the not so "girlie men" Hans & Franz and the role of President in The Simpsons Movie.
*Chairman of the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports...an organization that aims to "promote, encourage and motivate Americans of all ages to become physically active and participate in sports". I remember this and I wanted this award...but I was too lazy to find out how to get it.
*And most recently, elected the 38th Governor of California.

So sign me up. How do I get to be so lucky? I think most girls move to CALIFORNIA, get in some nudey magazine, sing a song or get a role in a movie, win Miss America or some award, get award taken away for the nudey magazine appearance, star in movie, get own television show, then the rest is bliss. So, my question is...who is gonna buy my boobies???
ha ha it's a joke ma...for the most part. Unless I have some takers...contact me privately.