Wednesday, March 13, 2013


Yesterday was the car accident and eye surgery for Day-Z. She was still a little groggy and disoriented from her medicine today. We took it easy and watched some movies and snuggled on the couch. She is being very clingy or needy for me and I understand that. I'm sure it is hard for her and she doesn't know why her eye is not opening, why she has to wear a cone around her neck, or why she is so woozy.
She did eat some soft food and drink water finally.
I phoned the dog trainer to tell her that Dayz and I won't be making it to the next few classes. I cried when she asked me questions about the incident.
Bed time was really hard for me. Day-Z HATES having the cone around her neck (I had it off during the day when she was around me and I could make sure she didn't scratch at the stitches). I obviously can't watch her while I'm sleeping, so she has to wear it. She was protesting wearing it by trying to fall asleep standing up. She leaned against me and her head was bobbing up and down as she tried to fight off sleeping. Whenever I thought I could get her to lay down, she'd make her legs stiff and wouldn't move.

I'm not one who normally has regrets because I know there is no reason to since there is no way to change the past (especially since I don't have a time machine). But for some reason, I just feel so guilty about the accident. I kept seeing it over in my mind and think: 
*what if I had parked the other way with the car facing the park instead of the road so she wouldn't have seen the kitty and run towards it
*what if I had wrapped her leash around something in the car to tether her in until I was fully ready to get out and go
*what if I hadn't even taken her to the park that morning or
*what if we had gone earlier or later
*was that person watching where they were going or were they looking at their cell phone
*should I have run across the road and made the first passing truck stop
*why didn't the vet I took her to visit 2 months earlier for her physical notice the ligament fibers in her eye were weak and give her medicine to strengthen them
*could this have been prevented in ANY way
*what if, why, could've, should've....the list goes on

I cried myself to sleep. Goodnight.