Sunday, August 9, 2015

PRAYER-BIRTHDAY-LOVE-IMPERFECTION...I don't know

I have had a hard time having faith in prayer lately. Don't judge me, please, but hear me out. I was praying a lot. I was begging, pleading, saying simple prayers and so on...any way I could think of to try to receive some sort of help. I don't feel like I was praying for miracles to happen. In fact, one day I just prayed to feel loved. It was a simple prayer stating that I didn't need anything to be resolved, taken away, cured, or whatever...I just needed to feel like somebody here on earth cared about me. Of course, that turned out to be the crappiest day and I didn't feel like any person I knew reached out in any way possible like I had hoped. That's ok. I lived. Maybe I needed that...maybe not. I don't know. I really don't know. 
I've been told you find out who your true friends are when you've lost everything or are facing your hardest time. They are the ones who stay by your side whatever way possible. They are the ones who know what you need and will help you get it anyway they can. They are the ones who will tell you not to give up and have faith. I am thankful for those few friends.
Yesterday was my birthday. I received so much love in the form of texts, social media messages, and calls. I really enjoyed it. Maybe it was a delayed answer to my prayer...maybe it wasn't. Maybe it helped me know who really cares about me...maybe it doesn't. All I know is it made my heart smile. I want to be around people who love me and lift me up and I hope I can be that type of person to others as well. I have so much learning to do in this life still. I have doubts, fears, imperfections, bad days, etc...we all do.
Be happy. 
You are beautiful. Even if you can't see it sometimes, know that other people can.

1 comments:

Benjamin Johnson said...

Deanna - eternity is a long time, take the time you need to make sure the people you surround yourself with are worth that. You are such a good kind woman, I know there are tons of people that think and care about you! Enjoy your trip, it looks awesome, I'm envious ;-)