YOU TAKE THE GOOD, YOU TAKE THE BAD, YOU TAKE THEM BOTH AND THEN YOU HAVE...

the facts of one sweet European roadtrip.

GOOD: A few years ago I made a list of the top 5 places I wanted to visit. The list included Texas, the MLK monument in Alabama, Chicago, Budapest, and the moon. I made it to Texas a few summers ago and can now cross Budapest off the list (although I wouldn't mind returning at all).

BAD: The only thing I hate more than sitting in a car with 4 people speaking Czech (I'm including the dang GPS girl in the count) is listening to Czech music at the same time.

BOTH: We set out Thurs night to Bratislava Slovakia. Then traveled to Hungary where we spent time at Lake Balaton and Budapest. Final stop was Vienna Austria before making it back to Czech Sunday night. Thank you cousin Michal, Lenka, Honza, and the CZ fam for one amazing trip!
FACTS: making friends in traffic jams, business socks, camping, mosquitoes, goulash, Buda and Pest, 1 vs 2 pills, "I have a cat in my pants", sausage and chocolate, currency rip offs, bath with a camera and old men, 4 different currencies, and taking shortcuts.
click click if you want to see more photos

HATE, HATE, LOVE...

Two things I HATE: colored toilet paper and crocs.
It's just wrong wrong wrong to be using paper with dye on it. I don't care if it matches the walls...do you know where it's gonna go?!

Second, I hate Crocs. I know I'm really late to the Crocs-mocking party but they just won't go away. Below is an amazing article about them. It'll either a)make you pee your pants from laughing so much, b)feel ashamed, very ashamed for wearing them, or c)offend someone in which case you should really get a sense of humor:
CLICKY CLICKY

Here's just an excerpt:
If you think about it, the Crocs company should really be admired. P. T. Barnum would be proud. They've managed to separate money from the wallets of millions and millions of seemingly sane people who wake up, look in the closet, and actually decide: "Today I'll leave the house wearing these neon-green Dutch bubble shoes with Swiss-cheese holes in them. Maybe I'll even buy some little plastic strawberries or bananas and jam them in the sweat holes, just to jazz things up and make the bacteria incubate faster."


On the other hand, and you may not agree with me, but I LOVE fanny packs. Anybody who dares to wear one has the cool award for the day in my opinion.

A LITTLE MORE TIME AT THE POOL

Two nights ago, I decided to catch the Olympic spirit so I turned on the television and caught a good amount of synchronized diving. It's amazing. And the guys are pretty good looking. Guess I'm gonna have to start spending a little more time at the pool.

A SNAIL OF A MEAL

The family decided I needed a birthday meal I'd never forget. Snail and pheasant Czech 2008.

OFFERS: DECLINED

I got 7 proposals the first day on my search for the man who would save my pocket $500 (see 08/01/08 post). Not bad. Not bad at all.

This boy even volunteered to father 2 babies for me and said we could get started that night if I wanted. He assured me with my eyes and his hair, they would be beautiful. Unfortunately, I declined the offer.

Rain thwarted my pursuit the next two days and then I lost interest. You win, brother, I give up. Czech...NO mate. Since I'm in the CZ I'll have to pay you 500Kc. It's in the mail. woo ha ha!

HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. MY NAME IS PATIENCE. HAVE WE MET BEFORE?

When I stand in line at a store, I like to give the person in front of me some personal space. I don't need to see what they buy and don't need them in my business. Not true here. In fact, you get pushed through the lines. I don't know how many times I've felt a shopping basket push me forward or some lady reach in front of me with her items as I take my change and put my stuff in my bag. But I don't budge. Goodgosh, I have a word for you...it's called PATIENCE because I'm sure both of us don't want your rohlik poking me in the booty.

D-DAY err...B-DAY

It's almost here. 08/08/08. And my brother will soon be 500 bones richer.
You see, he made a bet several years earlier that I wouldn't be married by my birthday this year. I thought 'shoot, I'm cute enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit someone MIGHT want to marry me by then.'

*Rules applied to bet*
1. it has to be to a dude
2. it can't be to a boy who just wants a green card
3. he has to speak English
4. he can't be deaf, blind, and mute
5. he has to be mentally capable
6. he can't be on his death bed
7. it can't be annulled right after I get the money

Well, I have 7 days to get married. Heck, I have the weekend off, maybe I should go look for my Czech mate. Time to work it!

ALWAYS TALK TO STRANGERS

I know we grow up learning about the danger of talking to strangers, but I think I would have missed out on some of my favorite people/insights/fun/friendships if I hadn't just made a comment or asked a question to some random person around me. In the line at Dairy Queen, the movie theater ticket salesperson, or even at the Jiffy Lube...there are dozens of opportunites to meet the world's coolest people, but so many times they pass us by because we are afraid to talk to strangers. To this I say Do it! Always talk to strangers! And sometimes I only look ONE way before I cross the street, but I'll leave that rule up to you.

ALL PIGS HAVE TAILS

I taught William what pig tails are today with my hair in braids. And he pulled them. Typical boy.

LAAAAAZY

I'll change this in a bit, but here's my lazy version of posting photos. Click the link.
xoxoxo
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2191716&l=c1684&id=17823815
PS I'm actually probably not going to change anything...

FAT LADY ON A LITTLE BENCH...

I walk by this cathedral at least once a week and finally went inside the other day. It had a beautiful pulpit, richly colored stained glass windows, unique spires, ornate carvings, and grand painted panels, but my favorite part of the visit was...

this fat lady sitting on the bench under the tiny tree just outside.

Not IN America but OF America

I had the afternoon off so I tried to be the best American I could being it was July 4 and Independence Day. So I stopped by the local American Center (lame...all it had was a computer and some books in English), walked down Americka Street, passed by the McDonald's, went into the local museum with an exhibit by American artist Andy Warhol, wore red white and blue, taught William how to hold up four fingers for the number 4, and went to a BBQ where we played USA Jeopardy. Fireworks not included. Happy birthday America!

THE WAY YOU DO IT

Max's Father: Dangit, Max! Get serious, for once! What are you going to DO with your life?
Max: Why is it always what will I DO? "What will he DO", "What will he DO," "Oh, my gosh what will he DO", Do, do, do, do, do. Why isn't the issue here who I am?
Uncle Teddy: Because, Maxwell, what you DO defines who you ARE.
Max: No, Uncle Teddy. Who you ARE defines what you DO. Right Jude?
Jude: [awkward] ... Well, surely it's not what you do, but the, uh... the way that you do it.

I heard these lines in the film Across the Universe today and I had to go back and listen to them a few times on the DVD because they just seemed so inspiring. I think sometimes other people, and even I myself, wonder who I am and what I'm doing. I'm not always sure the answers to those questions but I DO know I like the way I do it.

Oh yeah, and I like the way Jude does it with his English accent in this movie...goodgosh he's gorgeous.

VIP: VERY IMPORTANT PHRASES

William is amazing at picking up the English language and speaking. So, besides teaching him to always say 'please' and 'thank you' I love teaching him very important English phrases like: shake, shake, shake. shake your booty, handlebaaaaar mustache (as he puts his fingers under his nose to form the stache), no way Jose, ohmygoodness, and DEANNA IS AWESOME!
My other favorite is this song:

TELE-CREEPIES

I've been watching a few childrens' shows lately (some over and over and over again). I can tolerate most, but if there is one that absolutely creeps me out more than anything it has to be the Teletubbies. I don't even know what in the world the teletubbies are...are they pajama wearing aliens? Do they even speak English? What's with the laughing baby face in the sun? And judging by the cover of this DVD, they're obviously gay (again no offense to my gay friend Shane). Not the kind of program we should be showing our little ones.

MONEY CAN'T BUY ME LOVE, BUT IT SURE CAN BUY ME LOTS OF OTHER THINGS

If someone gave me a wad of cash and told me I HAD to spend it today or else I'd lose it (and I couldn't invest, save, or give it away) these are the things I think I would buy:
1. MacBook Pro

mac, mac, mac, mac, mac, mac, mac
Breaking the 10th commandment is a risk I'm willing to take by admiring this machine.
Available in custom colors like Ferrari Red, alpine green, and 24-carat gold with diamonds...I'll take whatever I can get and load that baby with memory and great software to boot.
(No more borrowing brother Tim's computer with the sticky shift key and shifty mousepad)

2. 2008 Volvo C70

I'll admit I'm not a huge 2-door car fan, but this one is gorgeous.

3. LASIK eye surgery

I'm not putting a photo up for this one because that would gross me out, but these peeps need a little help to see the world and it might be nice not to have to wear contacts anymore.

4. Monarchy Union Jack Flag Jeans

I've never wanted designer jeans before and haven't even tried these on, but for some reason I want a pair of these with the British flag...crazy yank.

5. Maybe a couple european chocolate bars and a new pair of chacos (that would be great to switch them out between washes so my feet don't get so stinky) and I'd call it a day. Gosh, imaginary shopping wears me out.
**ADDENDUM: 6/27/08**
I had a long walk today and realized if I have the money and it HAS to be spent, deanna is going for a day to the spa. Order me up a haircut, scalp treatment, deep condition, pedicure, and I'll end it with a full body massage. Oh snap--forget the candy bars..what was I thinking?!

ITALY IS...

Two weeks in Lignano and I was in heaven. Now I'll share with you what Italy IS to me:

For those that like more details:
Grandma & her boyfriend forgot to pay for their gas in Austria. The police caught them and took them to the station but gma only speaks Czech so we had to go back and rescue them. Since I took a photo with the nervous boyfriend, police, and Milan, the officer laughed & let him off the hook with the ticket not going on his driving record.
I met the Italian, Polish, and Austrian beach soccer teams...and thought I broke my foot playing with them.
I touched the water in Venice...then I think I caught a disease from it.
It rained 4 days straight...but Italian rainbows are nice.
Other Grandma & her boyfriend drank 40 bottles of Italian wine in 3 days...deanna only peach juice.
Gelato venders are suckers for Americans who try to speak Italian...I got lots of free scoops.
xoxoxo

IT TOOK MY MAMA 9 MONTHS TO MAKE ME

Within the last month, I have had a woman in a wheelchair tell me I have nice legs and a homeless man who probably hasn't seen a dentist in years tell me I have a great smile with perfect teeth. It made me realize that sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until it's gone/the moment has passed.
On a side note, as he was leaving a pub, a Czech boy told me on a scale of 1-3 my breasts are a 3...I think the beer here makes objects bigger than they appear and sometimes you just gotta shake what your mama didn't give ya.

JARED AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' ON ME

Forget about that guy who ate Subway sandwiches to get healthy...follow the European nanny program instead.

First, I get about 1,742 pushes each arm on the swing.

Then I get an average of about 2 hours walking/sightseeing/stroller pushing per day as William sleeps.

Ivana is an amazing cook so you have to be careful with the middle, but a few situps with the window open at night while the sun goes down and birds are singing will help.

1 HOUR TO PRAGUE

Ivana's cousin Michal volunteered to take me to Prague. Goodgosh it was gorgeous. The city is so old...and a little smelly. Highlights of the night:
Learning vocab word#1 for the day on the drive there: dopravni zacpa=traffic jam (if you forget to say dopravni then zacpa means the kind of jam you get when you don't have enough fiber in your diet), hiking up steep steep streets, crazy midget lady at the oldest tavern in town coming outside and hissing at me when I got close to the building for a photo (really hissing), climbing up 138 stairs to top of Charles' Bridge only to be attacked by 10,000 of the biggest spiders I have ever seen (vocab word#2: spider=pavouk), and eating the first Czech meal that made me want to vomit (doesn't compare to dumplings & goulash, rabbit, stinky cheese, and raddish sandwiches I've had). Praha ha.

LIVIN' LA VODA LOCA

Everyone, I repeat, EVERYONE here is crazy about water. No matter where you go if it's to the park, down the street, in the car, etc., you need to have a water (voda) bottle with you. Since the temperature is in the 90's right now and it is so unusually hot for the country, people think they are going to die without water.
This leads to my next scenerio...if you drink a lot you have to use the toilet a lot. But, if you're a little child, you are allowed to just go pee outside. That's right, pull down your pants (it takes a little more work if you're a girl) and go on the lawn, sidewalk, or wherever with parent's permission. I'm not used to this yet.

PLZEN

One week down in Czech and I want to list a few of my favorite things about the city I'm staying in; it's called Plzen (Pilsen for my fellow Americans).

BABY STEPS

For years, my mother tried to get me to make my bed. I hated it because I had so many blankets and sheets and it was just a hassle. My arguement was that there was no reason to make it because I planned to mess it up later that night. Well, since I've been in the Czech Republic as a guest in someone's house, I would like my mother to know that I have made my bed every single morning I've been here. It's only been like 4 days, but I'm taking baby steps. Yes, Mother, baby steps.

MY FIRST PURCHASE

...wasn't this man, but something from this man. I couldn't handle it any longer. I am a photoholic. I went to the city center and walked around by myself today. My mission: to buy a new camera. I had already been here 3 days and taken no photos. I was so happy I took a photo with the Czech man who sold it to me...he looks so happy because he charged me a price much greater than in the States.



At a beautiful cathedral in the middle of the city, there is a spot where people walk by to touch an angel head and make a wish. I touched it and wished for better photo taking opportunities with my new camera. Note the zipper down (noone told me but if they did I wouldn't be able to understand them) and person's finger in upper corner...I think you have to let go before the wish comes true.

ALL CZECHED IN...

Thursday night was deanna's last night in town and time for one last hoorah with a few people who stopped by. Jenny and I shared a kebab (not bob) and baklava. This morning as I went to leave, I noticed my camera was nowhere to be found. Um, I NEVER forget my camera and more importantly NEVER lose it. So I took off without it and a frown on my face. (Luckily I can add a few snaps from my camera phone).

I flew to Atlanta then on to Prague. In the airport in GA, I was surrounded by Czechs. They weren't bad looking at all, I couldn't understand a word they were saying, but at least they weren't bad looking. The stewards handed out newspapers written in Czech and I felt a little left out.

Upon greeting my new family for a few months at the airport, little William surprised me with some flowers and I him with a book about Utah. They told me they don't know anything about Utah besides it has a lot of Mormons and skiing...what else is there?!
Went straight to the house. I have a great big area upstairs with my own bathroom and kitchen. Not too shabby. I unpacked, played outside with local friends/business partners and William, sipped some sparkling water, and called it a night.

CZECH THIS OUT

Email with job offer: Thursday
Phone call to chat about job: Saturday
Phone call about getting a ticket to fly out: Sunday
Ticket purchased for me: Wednesday
Leaving USA: Friday
Working in Europe: til August.
Gonna miss: you
xoxoxo

ALL THESE ARCHES ARE STARTING TO LOOK THE SAME

My friend Jonny Balagna phoned me up this week and asked if I wanted to go hiking...in Moab at Arches National Park. I remember this being my favorite Park in Utah so I agreed. We left Thursday night. He looked at the forecast for the weekend and it said it would be in the high 80's. I've never been to Moab and left without tan lines. However, when we arrived, I believe it was a record for being the windiest day ever. Amazing! We hiked until we couldn't see the arches in the dark anymore. Then we slept in his 4runner and woke up early (maybe due to discomfort) to hike in the sun until all the arches seemed to look the same and we couldn't hike any longer. I hate hiking, but I love the arches and red rock.

WHAT A MAN WANTS TO HEAR

I got this link in an email today. It is supposedly the 5 top things a guy loves to hear on a date. I don't buy it. (click top 5 things...to see real article.)
Here's what I think it should be:
1. Here's the remote. We can watch tv as long as you want.
2. I made you this sandwich.
3. More sports? Yes, please.
4. Of course I'm in the mood!
5. No, I don't mind that you stick your hand down your pants then hold my hand.

And the 5 he doesn't want to hear on a date:
1. I once dated this guy who...
2. If WE get married...
3. Wanna meet my _____(insert ANY member of your family here)?
4. No, I'm NOT in the mood right now.
5. Let's just talk.

STUPID TEST

I feel like I've been writing both thoughtful and thought provoking blogs lately and I kinda feel too serious. So it's time for something stupid that has no point at all besides to make you laugh. Click here for a link to the stupid test.
Worried about whether you are stupid...find out with the Stupid Test! This quiz is full of riddles and trick questions to test your intellect and reveal if you're really stupid. I.Q. tests are stupid, but the Stupid Test isn't! Don't be stupid, take the test.

PARADE OF LIFE

I have to give my 14 year old niece props for sharing this quote with me today. She's wise beyond her years...or at least got lucky on this one.

LIFE ISN'T MEASURED BY THE BREATHS YOU TAKE BUT THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY.

Now don't start dreaming of Tom Cruise playing volleyball in the sand then riding a motorcycle over to shower at your beachhouse.
But think about that quote. It pretty much means you can go on living a life, not taking any chances, being mediocrely happy, watching everyone else go by OR you can freakin jump on the float and be IN the parade of life (or in the back of the Benz as I was incase you don't have a float).
There are a million songs that need to be danced to, shoes that need to be filled, places to see, and people to meet so what are you waiting for?! Don't be afraid to have your breath taken away.

FEAR ME OUT ON THESE

There are a few things that come to mind that scare me in this world.
1. SPIDERS
How can something so little be so horrifying and have such a horrible bite that it's venum has the effect in a human so big (in comparison) to block impulses to the muscles, cause cramps, rigidity, and have a general paralyzing effect. Or possibly turn you into a web throwing super hero (not sure if that one is bad or not).
2. SHARKS

A little bit bigger and a lot more teeth. A recent article about an Australian guy who thought he was swimming by a dolphin said he poked the 16-foot fella in the eye when he dragged him under the water and the monster let go (just a tip).
3. HAVING AN ANEURYSM
I saw it in an after school special movie with Ricky Schroeder when I was like ten years old. The young newly-wed couple had a baby and the mother had a headache and then fell down and died from an aneurysm and left hottie Ricky alone to raise the baby by himself. Sounds silly but it's had me scared ever since.
4. THE OLD LADY FLAT SQUISHED WIDE BUTT

You know what I'm talking about...no more sit down jobs and plenty of running hills for me to take care of this booty.
5. GAS?
I'd add gas prices getting higher but I know there is nothing I can do about that. NOTHING. Nope, no matter how many times people say they're not gonna buy gas on a certain day, it's not gonna work. So either get a higher paying job so you can afford it and quit whinging (you never see Beyonce in the news complaining about how much she has to pay per gallon) or buy a bus pass, walk, or maybe get a skateboard and quit being so gay (no offense to my gay friend Shane).
6. 80's FASHION

I pray the shoulder pads, stirrup pants, and four-hour hair like Blair from the Facts of Life tv show never come back. NEVER.

HOP ON POP

I can't get enough Pop Art right now...or anything similar to it.